An early post for once, however not by choice. I have terrible insomnia and have done for almost three weeks now. If I'm lucky, I am able to get a few hours in the early hours but today I am wide awake, with no sign of stopping. I'm wondering if it's worth going to the GP about seeing as this bout of insomnia has gone on way too long now.

However, I've updated my planners and done some drawing and played some Hello Kitty Island Adventure, so not all bad. It was -3 degrees but has gone up to -1, and apparently there will be snow - but I will believe it when I see it. I hope so! 

Got a hand blender finally so now I'm in my Soup Making Era and will be making cream of chicken soup after blending up the veggie soup I froze. I'll also be baking homemade bread to have with it!

Not much else to report, but I would like to journal a little more here than I do. So maybe that's a resolution for the New Year. I'm going to be sorting some other stuff too - tidying my desk room, sorting my wardrobe and clothes, stuff like that. Nice and clear for the new year.

I might try and stay up until bed time but we'll see how that goes...

Until next time!

So... it's been a while huh? But so many good things have happened, so I feel the tone of my journal will change for the better.

First things first, I completed and handed in my final assignments for my degree and... I got a 2:1 I am SO happy! Considering I started during covid, a house move, personal problems, adjusting to new meds and being diagnosed with anxiety and OCD... I am so proud of myself. I now have a Bachelor of Arts (Honours) in Arts and Humanities (English Language) and I can't believe it... I will have to book graduation soon so I hope I'm able to get tickets as it's first come first serve an I don't want to wait! Plus I also need to find out about photographers and graduation gowns... :)

I applied a couple of days ago to study an MA in Applied Lingusitics with Open University... fingers crossed! Am I crazy? Yes.

Another nice nugget of news is that I have a job, and have done for a few months. Retail, and I've met some lovely people through it I would consider friends. It's been great for my anxiety, mental health, self confidence... and having more money helps! It's really been a good but mad few months - if you'd have told me a few months ago this is where I would be I wouldn't have believed you one bit. Plus, the Sertraline is working absolute wonders for me and I wish I would have started them sooner!

I'd like to pick up some hobbies, I have four more days off work and I want to tackle making (or starting to make) my neocities website. I also want to do more art and writing, and reading. I'm excited!

In other news, I've randonly become allergic to hair bleach, which is a travesty as I am always changing my hair colour. I've also had some problems with tomatoes, some cider flavours (???) and some materials, like my smart watch strap. So I'll have to book an allergy test for sure, but first I have a cervical smear so let's take it once step at a time haha.

I'm also absolutely hating the heat... Sertraline is making me drip with sweat and it's awful. I can't wait for autumn/winter!

Anyway, that's my big update. I hope to post more from now. I might make a post of my favourite gaiaonline avatars that I have made.

Until next time!

If there's one thing that's messing with me right now is how sleepy the sertraline is making me...
Glad I overcame the headaches and dry mouth, still having vivid dreams but I don't care as they're not scary and I am sleeping well at night. Still spacing out sometimes but not often.
I am not sure if I have noticed anything different in my anxiety and OCD. Maybe I feel a little better but not sure if it is a placebo effect... We will see. Have been on half a tablet for a week and yesterday was the first day of a full tablet at 50mg, so I will need to make a follow up app with the GP to see how I am doing. 

I have my first therapy appointment today, I thought it would be over video call but I think it's actually telephone, but that's fine. It's later this evening between 6-7. I will see how it goes. It is exhausting divulging stuff about my anxiety and OCD over and over, but it may help. I really hope so. 
I'm just so sleepy all the time  I could nod off just writing this!

Something that's keeping me awake tho and something I love doing is going to the recent activity here and reading the latest entries and having a look at people's profiles. It's so much fun to see everyone's lives written out.

Difficult assignment was done and handed in - no idea how it is, if it's even remotely good but thank God I got through it. Will have to have an extension for my next assignment for the other module but it will be fine I think. Got the books today and my sister a birthday present (Pulp Fiction art poster) now not really sure what to do with the rest of my day...

Went to see Queen Rock Montreal in IMAX at my local cinema and it was FANTASTIC. To see it in such HD was mind blowing, I loved it. I wish they could do it with every Queen concert... ever. Me and P were the youngest there which I was surprised at as I know Queen have a lot of younger fans especially since Bohemian Rhapsody came out (the film.) Some people at the back of the cinema got up and danced which I loved. It was so much fun!

Until next time.

SO, where to go from last entry? I submitted my first two assignments for my modules and got great scores back that I'm happy with - so that's that. I have an assignment due on Jan 15th and another Jan 30th, but I've basically stopped studying for christmas now, minus some reading I need to do tomorrow, and maybe some assignment planning in that weird liminal space between xmas and new year (27th-30th)

Honestly, I am sick of studying and can't wait to be done for christmas, to just be able to fully enjoy the holidays. There's a little section that's prep for the second assignment that i need to do but I need to buy my set book, so that will have to wait which is fine.

I'm looking forward to christmas a lot as me and P will be alone for it - really looking forward to the food and the good vibes and the fact it's perfectly acceptable to crack open a can at 7AM. We're having P's father over for a few hours on boxing day, and we're spending new year's eve with my parents which I'm also looking forward to immensely. Just a few more days now!

But, my mental health has been on the decline for weeks - if not months - and one night I'd finally had enough, I made an appointment with my GP and had an appointment with a really nice doctor. Anyway, a garbled and awkward rambling chat later (on my part) general and health anxiety and OCD were the outcome. She wanted me to do a blood test to check to see if my anxiety was due to my thyroid, but my health anxiety is so intense (and stems from close family members in and outof hospital all my life from childhood) that it seemed unlikely, but I went with it. Had my bloods done, a full count, which was agonising for someone who suffers with really bad health anxiety lol. Anyway, I think they're okay (I'm able to check online as soon as they're in) just two out of the full count were in the red which I think points to anaemia? I don't have any symptoms of, well, any illness whatsoever (yeah yeah try telling my brain that most times I know) so I wonder if they'll do anything about that personally.

Made another request for an appointment today and the doc I spoke to is only in two days a week so Jan 3rd is when my follow up is, and she said after looking at my results I'd be put on sertraline (or maybe you know it as zoloft?) I have heard good things about it and I really hope it helps with my crippling health anxiety and the ocd that comes with it - the obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, the compulsions, ruminating - I have to admit I did not know much about ocd but after she said about it I looked it up and wow - it matches me perfectly. I feel sad but validated, and I also referred myself for some therapy so in the new year I'm hoping to hear from that too. And I hope she gives me a prescription too so I can begin and finally be on the road to feeling a little better. My telephone appointment, like some sort of sick joke, is at 6:30AM. I think if she prescribes me something though I'll definitely get up and leave the house to get it so I can start it that day.

Anyway. I was thinking in the new year how much I want to do some more writing; I have a few ideas I want to write out, hell even fanfic, and I have an AO3 account too. Maybe NaNoWriMo? Studying kicks my ass but I am sure I can get some ideas out. I was thinking a substack and a new tumblr, even if no one reads it, though I really should make a *public* blog on it to sort of sell myself as some kind of writer... I feel a fraud typing that! Am I a writer? Can I just say I am? Fuck it, I'm a writer.

Anyway, apart from some more food bits to get for boxing day, christmas is ready. Presents wrapped and given, cards written and sent, alcohol obtained and christmas socks and jumpers waiting to be worn. I am feeling very festive this season and am hoping for a good christmas!

Oh and also I saw Ashnikko in concert at the ally pally, which was fantastic minus the crowd. I think it may have been the worst crowd ever, and I've been to a fair few concerts. Rude, pushing people with no care about the people around them. Oh well, still a fantastic show put on - a full 18 song set or so, amazing live singing and dancing from Ashnikko. I dunno, maybe I'm too old for a standing concert lol, so next time I think I'll pass unless there's seats for a concert. I'd love to go to the ally pally to see the darts though - which I wish I was watching at the mo but I don't watch tv unfortunately, maybe next year I'll pay for a subscription service or something? Not so sure how it works. Also gutted that Doja Cat tickets went on sale in December for next year. Who has the money! And London is the only show sold out so far. Ah, my heart...

Until next time :)

Argh, I fell off the wagon updating my journal.
There's a lot I want to write about, things I've done and memories I want to keep but it'll take a good chunk of my time to sit and write a big master post of fun and nice things I did in September/October (and some things I've done at the end of August, too.)

I will write about them, but not too sure when. I suppose uploading pics to Instagram for memories will have to suffice for now.

In other news, my health anxiety has been through the roof - it has made life unbearable. I haven't told anyone this as I don't want anyone to worry, and I am coping absolutely fine, but after a meeting with my niece as she visited through London last week I'm thinking maybe I should go and see a doctor about it all. I'm even anxious to do that (ha, ha) but needs must. I don't really want to go through my thirties with this rotten brain - I'd like to pick it apart and plant fresh seeds amongst all the rot and make it more manageable.

I'm also drowning in uni work at the moment. Two modules is hardcore fulltime study, and deep down I know I need a job, and yes I'm applying for them, but I'm actually really worried how I would cope with full time study and work. I will have to see what comes up - so far no luck. I was hoping something seasonal would open up near me but I've heard nothing. Oh well. I'll keep applying and doing my uni work and keeping my head down.

Christmas is fast approaching, which is exciting. Halloween was a nice slow pace, and me and P celebrated 6 years together with a nice dinner and some cider and opening the door to trick or treaters which we loved - the children are so polite and sweet. I love decorating the windows and front door for them at Halloween. There weren't as many as last year, which was a shame, but it was still fun. I'll have to think about Christmas presents soon.

That's all for now before P gets home from work - I've done a tonne of studying today and even though he's off work tomorrow I'll have to do some then as well. On Sunday I'll be going to my parents for my sister's 40th birthday which will be nice - I got her a personalised bracelet with her name and birth stone - I'm hoping she likes it.

I've missed rambling here to myself about everything! I will try my hardest to fit in a couple of posts a week.

Until next time!

So, last week, we had a very productive day that resulted in... nothing! Ha! Well, we had some garden furniture arrive only for it to be missing some parts, so we had to arrange for the place to give us a refund, come and take the furniture back, then order a new set. Thankfully by now the new set has been delivered and is in the garden ready for more summer nights. We tried it a couple days ago and it's lovely being able to sit outside - we had some wine and watched the sunset. Until it rained XD then it was back in for Chinese. Lovely! When we were waiting for food to arrive it stopped raining and there was a huge rainbow. Magical!

The on/off button on our washing machine has broken too, and the same day someone came to take a look... but couldn't because our appliances are built in, so need to move the fridge (our house has a very, very small kitchen with built in appliances, so any kind of mains or wires etc are very hidden behind... well, other appliances) I'm up early today because a friend has come over to help fiance move the fridge completely out of the kitchen for the moment, then someone is coming to take a look. Fully expecting there to be a part needing to be ordered, which is annoying as we will probably have to go to the laundrette again.

Another day my parents came over and my dad helped make a sideboard and hang a neon wall light. They'll be coming back soon to fix some hinges on the garden door and some garden lighting. It's all coming together nice and slow, the place is looking great. We've been here for two years this month and we are still sorting things out in terms of decorating and decor; it all takes money and time. I'm glad with the progress we've made!

And... lastly... I passed my 'year 2' modules at Open University!!!

I found out last night, a day early. Last year I remember just waiting for the e-mail to tell me my results were ready, but this time on the FB group someone said results were up, and, well, let's say evidently we weren't the only group to realise. The site and servers were down ALL DAY, with people still at 10PM trying to refresh to get their results from 3PM. Madness! Lots of unhappy people tweeting - I don't blame them too much as lots were waiting anxiously for degree results - I'd have been the same. I do wonder if maybe e-mailing or posting individual results wouldn't just be better rather than having everyone try to access a certain part of the website at the same time (especially when the site can't seem to handle it.)
Anyway, after only about three hours of refreshing I got in. And I passed!

Four modules out of six done which means I now have a Diploma in Higher Education. My last two modules start in October and this time next year, fingers crossed I will be writing that I've received my degree results and have passed. Here's hoping! I'm going for a BA (hons) in Arts and Humanities, and all my modules have been in regards to English language and linguistics, with creative writing. I'm very excited for my last modules, and I hope I work hard and pass! I only have myself to blame if I don't!

I've already e-mailed about my certificate, and we're celebrating later with a bottle of something in the garden. I'm super proud of myself - I started this in 2020, after a very shitty year (not just because of covid) but also covid, no laptop, a house move... finally some stability in the last module and a half so I'm excited to have a nice desk space to really sink my teeth into studying. I'm so close to my degree I can taste it! I can't wait to be walking across the stage at graduation... it's something I never thought I'd ever do.

Apart from that, there isn't much else to say. There's heatwaves in Italy and Greece and other parts of the world right now, just like we had last year, but strangely we haven't had it here yet. We've had a couple hot days but looking at the weather forecast for the next week or so for the past couple of months it hasn't gone above 23 degrees or so. Right now it's 16! The past couple of weeks have been rainy, gloomy and muggy with some pleasant sunny/bright intervals. I love it like this though - I am not complaining in the slightest! I hate the heat - I don't cope well in it. So I am perfectly ok sitting in a gloomy garden :)

Dyed my hair black, neon green and pink. I like it! I have never had green hair before. I love it. I used Bleach London's slimelight and it is perfect. The pink could be better, but I lightened it from black, so you can't have it all. It's solstice event in Destiny 2 later so no doubt I will be playing that. Best friend is currently in Poland visiting a group of friends and they won't be back till Sunday, so it'll just be me and fiance playing for this week. Hopefully the servers are more stable as I was kicked from Iron Banner and Gambit which made me say fuck it, not playing! Same happened to fiance - he doesn't get as annoyed as I do but he literally could not play for getting kicked so instead opted for MTG arena against a friend for the night. We also watched Bronson, which was very enjoyable. I've been better at watching films lately!

It's been nice to ramble!

Until next time!

A bit of a long time no speak...
I fully intended to write before this but life got in the way, and with a few down days I wasn't feeling like documenting it.
But I feel better now and... My birthday happened!
on the 22nd I turned 30 years old, and I see it as a privilege to be able to get a year older. It was a great day as my family came down and my fiance and best friend were there too. Nothing major, just a gathering, some alcohol and music, and ordering food. I got some lovely and thoughtful gifts - best friend got us tickets to see We Will Rock You musical, and if anyone who is anyone knows me, I am a massive Queen fan. It was a fantastic show and I thoroughly enjoyed it. They even got me a shirt from the merch stand. It was at the London Coliseum, which is utterly beautiful inside. I never got to see WWRY when it first run as I was a new Queen fan at only 11 years old (haha!) so this was a real treat! I got a beautiful bracelet with a sister, aunt and 30 charm that I can add more to, Freddie Mercury socks and croc jibitz (fantastic, truly) a beautiful necklace and perfume, a pink tea set from my parents which I can't wait to pick up and use and be fancy, and my fiance did a hamper with all my favourite things in. My birthday cake was animal crossing themed! It really refuelled my heart and refreshed me for my 30th year of existing. Also, the day before the cashier in the supermarket didn't believe my age, so I can't be doing too badly! However, on the journey there I tripped and fell pretty bad - leg is still sore and bruised this time later!
Here's to many more years!

Apart from that there hasn't been much going on, but I've been thinking how I want to approach life now that I am 30. Just some personal goals! I'm wondering about becoming an English tutor online, working from home. But I need to do more research.

Watched The Menu and Legend (Tom Hardy portraying The Krays) and both were really good. I'm not much of a film person at all but this year I've really been into going to the cinema and watching certain films at home. This year I've seen Knock at the Cabin, Ant Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, John Wick 4 and Super Mario. And yes, I will be going to see Oppenheimer and Barbie in the same day, haha! Unfortunately I wasn't well enough to see Spider-Man, but I can wait until it goes on streaming services.

Overall, I am looking forward to this year: August I'm going to see wrestling (AEW) with the best friend and sometime in August/September going to Sotheby's in London to see the Freddie Mercury collection, September going to see Sonic the Hedgehog Symphony (best friend is a huge fan, I am there for the ride!) and November an Ashnikko concert. Exciting stuff!

I may post later about watching Pobol y Cwm - it's such a shame as I only chat to my mum about it! I'd love more people to talk to about it, maybe I will make a community here, but there will just be me lol. It has a couple of Facebook groups but it's just older Welsh people, which is fine, but I feel too shy to really say anything. There was uproar when someone mentioned taking it to Discord!

Anyway, until next time! X