Welcome to my web diary!

SO, where to go from last entry? I submitted my first two assignments for my modules and got great scores back that I'm happy with - so that's that. I have an assignment due on Jan 15th and another Jan 30th, but I've basically stopped studying for christmas now, minus some reading I need to do tomorrow, and maybe some assignment planning in that weird liminal space between xmas and new year (27th-30th)

Honestly, I am sick of studying and can't wait to be done for christmas, to just be able to fully enjoy the holidays. There's a little section that's prep for the second assignment that i need to do but I need to buy my set book, so that will have to wait which is fine.

I'm looking forward to christmas a lot as me and P will be alone for it - really looking forward to the food and the good vibes and the fact it's perfectly acceptable to crack open a can at 7AM. We're having P's father over for a few hours on boxing day, and we're spending new year's eve with my parents which I'm also looking forward to immensely. Just a few more days now!

But, my mental health has been on the decline for weeks - if not months - and one night I'd finally had enough, I made an appointment with my GP and had an appointment with a really nice doctor. Anyway, a garbled and awkward rambling chat later (on my part) general and health anxiety and OCD were the outcome. She wanted me to do a blood test to check to see if my anxiety was due to my thyroid, but my health anxiety is so intense (and stems from close family members in and outof hospital all my life from childhood) that it seemed unlikely, but I went with it. Had my bloods done, a full count, which was agonising for someone who suffers with really bad health anxiety lol. Anyway, I think they're okay (I'm able to check online as soon as they're in) just two out of the full count were in the red which I think points to anaemia? I don't have any symptoms of, well, any illness whatsoever (yeah yeah try telling my brain that most times I know) so I wonder if they'll do anything about that personally.

Made another request for an appointment today and the doc I spoke to is only in two days a week so Jan 3rd is when my follow up is, and she said after looking at my results I'd be put on sertraline (or maybe you know it as zoloft?) I have heard good things about it and I really hope it helps with my crippling health anxiety and the ocd that comes with it - the obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, the compulsions, ruminating - I have to admit I did not know much about ocd but after she said about it I looked it up and wow - it matches me perfectly. I feel sad but validated, and I also referred myself for some therapy so in the new year I'm hoping to hear from that too. And I hope she gives me a prescription too so I can begin and finally be on the road to feeling a little better. My telephone appointment, like some sort of sick joke, is at 6:30AM. I think if she prescribes me something though I'll definitely get up and leave the house to get it so I can start it that day.

Anyway. I was thinking in the new year how much I want to do some more writing; I have a few ideas I want to write out, hell even fanfic, and I have an AO3 account too. Maybe NaNoWriMo? Studying kicks my ass but I am sure I can get some ideas out. I was thinking a substack and a new tumblr, even if no one reads it, though I really should make a *public* blog on it to sort of sell myself as some kind of writer... I feel a fraud typing that! Am I a writer? Can I just say I am? Fuck it, I'm a writer.

Anyway, apart from some more food bits to get for boxing day, christmas is ready. Presents wrapped and given, cards written and sent, alcohol obtained and christmas socks and jumpers waiting to be worn. I am feeling very festive this season and am hoping for a good christmas!

Oh and also I saw Ashnikko in concert at the ally pally, which was fantastic minus the crowd. I think it may have been the worst crowd ever, and I've been to a fair few concerts. Rude, pushing people with no care about the people around them. Oh well, still a fantastic show put on - a full 18 song set or so, amazing live singing and dancing from Ashnikko. I dunno, maybe I'm too old for a standing concert lol, so next time I think I'll pass unless there's seats for a concert. I'd love to go to the ally pally to see the darts though - which I wish I was watching at the mo but I don't watch tv unfortunately, maybe next year I'll pay for a subscription service or something? Not so sure how it works. Also gutted that Doja Cat tickets went on sale in December for next year. Who has the money! And London is the only show sold out so far. Ah, my heart...

Until next time :)